I had a clear image of the story as I was reading it. I like the fact that Ava was wandering in the middle of nowhere; it makes me feel more scared for her, because it's not like she can just catch a cab or a bus, or walk to someone's house like she could if she were in the city. I like the dialogue between Ava and the man who spots her walking, but I would love if it was constructed traditionally, like a new paragraph being formed after each person speaks. Was this story inspired by the first short story that we read about the dismembered baby? I have a short story on my blog that's about a baby too, so I think it's possible that the thought of a tragedy involving a baby was still lingering in my mind after reading Popular Mechanics. But i'm totally digressing; the dialogue between the man and Ava would be easier to read if set up "properly," even though it's kind of easy to tell who's speaking to who from this "part one" of the story, but it may not be as easy to tell later on. One thing I was thinking while reading was "did she really have to bite her tongue so hard that it bled? She couldn't have just controlled herself and kept her mouth shut?" I know the story is supposed to be dramatic, but that part didn't seem realistic or necessary to me. Another thing...is the story set at night? I know it's raining, so maybe that's why the man could barely see Ava until he shone his lights on her, but I was picturing it to be night-time. I thoroughly enjoyed this, and can't wait to read part two.
No comments:
Post a Comment